The Bitch Is Back

• Trying to look younger makes you look older
• Moaning about price, saying you've lost your ID, talking about uni in a fake way - none of these help as much as you think they will
• If you're a B cup or less, don't even bloody try it
• Wear heels - height, confidence, thin and well defined legs
• Flirt, for God's sake woman, FLIRT!
• Giggle
• Pronounce the name of your drink right
• Know exactly what you want and I don't give a shit if you've been obsessing for 20 minutes on the walk to the off licence, when you get there you need to KNOW
• If you're in a group, surreptitiously send the younger-looking ones off to the loo five minutes before you order. Trust me, it's not how old you are, it's how old your mates are
• I am spouting such fucking bullshit at 1.06am

Random trivia about Ally: she is writing a story based on different Shakespearean characters. Hero, Orlando, Viola and Antonio. Prize for someone who knows where they're all from.

She needs a kick up the arse to make her start writing again - please volunteer. Kicks up the arse can be replaced with slaps across the face as appropriate.

She wants to see Marie Antoinette even though BBC Radio 4 gave it a 0 / 10.

She wants to see the History Boys for the following two reasons: one of them is hot and they used a Smiths song on the trailer

She's going to see Morrissey in December.

Tuesday she saw the Puppini Sisters live. It made her want to cry and have a 40s related orgasm. She wants to buy more lipstick and better clothes. She made new friends.

She's lost a stone.

She's...............happy.

# posted by Ally : 1:23 AM